It’s February. That means Valentine’s Day. I don’t think I have ever written about love in my inspirer before so I decided to rise to the challenge and give the topic a go today.

Rumi wrote:

“Let the beauty you love be what you do.”

Which makes me think of those friends of mine (you know who you are, and your names begin with J) who are suffering from writer’s block.  You know, when I have found the words I am battling with as tough as wading through treacle the reason has often been that I actually don’t love it enough. Writing that particular piece does not make my heart sing.

I believe that my best writing emerges when I write about something that matters. Something from the heart. Writing from the heart does not necessarily mean that I should be writing something that makes me happy. No. For me, writing from the heart is about writing something that makes my heart thump a little louder, a little heavier, while I do so.

Rumi suggests that we writers should write about the things we consider beautiful. A sunset is beautiful. A newborn baby is beautiful. That sight of my latest book on my bookshelf is beautiful.

But bad things can be beautiful too. There is beauty in loss and grief and sadness.  Some pain can be exquisite in its intensity. The memory of the life we once led and lost in the Middle East hurts in almost a good way. I left a piece of my heart there you see as I left a piece of my heart in every place I loved. My writing about those places is the stronger for it. Why else do you think I based my novel, Sunshine Soup in Dubai?

Not all love poems are about good times, reciprocated feelings and happy endings. Many are also about loss and separation and hopelessness. Yet this does not stop them being beautiful and it does not stop your enjoyment of them.

Recently, I have been helping one of my clients to write her memoir. In one chapter I was moved to tears by her story of her father’s death. Her writing was tender and moving. She had written it from a place of love and a place of passion and it was amongst the best material she had ever produced.

So, I challenge you now to take a new look at Rumi’s words and consider the following:

“Let the beauty you love be what you write.”

Go on, now pick up your pen. Write something that matters so much that it makes your heart beat. Do it for Valentine’s Day.

I am delighted to welcome a one-time client of mine, Morgana Morgaine, to guestpost for me today. Her recently published book is a goodie and her story will inspire any of you out there who are stuck in a rut or think you may be too old to make a change and do what you love. If you love playing with words then  the way she writes will delight you as much as it delighted me. You could eat them!

Morgana here, I just published a new book:

“Borderless Broads, New Adventures for the Midlife Woman”

I wrote bravely and boldly in “Borderless Broads” because I chose to write from what has moved me, inspired me, been a source of spiritual hunger for me, and —made me laugh in life.  I chose to tackle a few “issues” that have always been sources of “I wonder why this is the way it is and how could it be done differently”.

My own midlife striptease preceded writing the book in order to cast off (as best I could) many of the learned domestications that get in the way of an honest and energetic voice.

I wrote about woman “eating her wildness” and then I wrote how I really feel about “things”, world things, spirit things, inner things.  Listening for what wanted to be said…..

So, the book is about unzipping all those parts of yourself that you have kept under wraps and choosing to change your experiences  in midlife —asking yourself,  “if not now, when?”

It’s about borderless as a state of mind. A state of mind that calls you to become less identity bound and more focused on who you really are rather than who you were trained to be.

As a writer, borderless mind requires fearless and fierce in what you say, what you write and how you choose to experience experience.

A mentor once told me that the reason we don’t all “see” the same thing or react to the same things is because what we selectively see is ours, ours to respond to, ours to engage with in some unique way; the foundation for making a difference.

It is a kind of call to creative action.

For writers, this call is to speak boldly and bravely, clearly communicating our connection to whatever the “it” is in our writing;  to share our “take” on life experience, to take an energetic stand so the reader can find us in the writing!

Neutrality lacks bravery. I see it as a bland entrenchment in the trance of social agreements!

So, what helps brave writing? Humor helps.  Courageous conversations help.  Writing about what really moves you helps.  Putting your instincts and intuition first and your intellect second helps.

Asking just whose voice is running your writing helps.

So, as a writer, are you eating your wildness or are you writing so as to LIVE LIFE FULL OUT?

“A woman needs a little madness or else she never dares cut the rope and be free!”

(Zorba the Greek with a bit of gender change!)

And oh, never underestimate the power of humor to inspire bravery in us all!

Morgana@MorganaMorgaine.com/www.MorganaMorgaine.com

“Borderless Broads” available on Amazon.com

I am delighted to have my friend and fellow walk-in-the-woods mate, Kathy Voyles, to guestpost for me today. She is a writer through and through and we are always much moved, and often amused, by her writing at our monthly writers’ circle.

Last night she attended an event I wish I had been to too, and was both moved and inspired by The 11^th Pen Writers Awards

I like to think of myself as a writer for that’s what I spend most of my time doing. I’ve pretty well had a go at every sort of writing, editing newsletters on human rights issues  and self determination, writing on food issues, on travel, on death and dying, and am now having a bash at picture books for kids.

It’s hard sometimes, juggling children, managing houses, being chief cook and bottle-washer and sitting in front of a blank screen, waiting for words to come. It’s a lonely business spewing out words, but we do it because we must.

We must spin those words, play with them, push and pull them into place. We want to share them, too. I love my writers support group that allows me the joy of reading my words to real humans. Often, it’s that reading aloud which shows me what works, what doesn’t, what is meaningful, or what falls flat in the air. Sometimes our writing becomes therapy and is not really meant for others to hear but allows healing of self and soul. Those writings can be tucked away and left alone.

But the very main thing is I can write. I can write in the comfort of my office without fear and inquisition. I write in warmth, with white light and without putting myself or anyone else in danger (unless it’s from poor prose). What I write will not mean the pounding of fists on doors in the middle of the night,  or dank urine stained prison cells for my family, threats, torture, rape or slow death.

Do we writers realize what a luxury this is? Writing in the warmth?

No, I would say we do not, which is why I make a point to attend and support the International PEN Novib Writers Awards every year in the Netherlands and why I encourage you to, as well.  Every year this award touches my heart deeply and humbles me in every way – it makes me realize the resonance, power and the fear that words bring.

These words, say the authors on stage, must be written, even though every letter, every syllable, every sharing of them, spells danger for themselves and all around them.

This years winner Asieh Amini is from Iran, a journalist and poet who become an activist after she followed up the story of a 16 year old woman put to death for having sex outside marriage. She also campaigns on those sentenced to the hideously inhumane punishment of stoning.  She is now living in Norway after staying Iran became untenable for her and her family.

“Such cruelties must be written about. How can I be happy when children are being executed,” she says and begins to read her poems in her mother tongue.

Asieh’s poems are short and catch your soul.  Tears begin to flow from mine.

“You turn into a butterfly, I hang,” she writes as the young girl goes towards the hangman’s noose.

“The sun is slipping down the wall”

These lines and others need to be heard as often as we can bear, until these horrific acts are mere figments of history.

Each year, as I sit and listen to the stories of the writers who write in the cold winter of inhumanity, I wish there was no need for such Awards.

Alas that time will not come quickly for as Freedom House has reported that freedom of the press in the world is at its lowest ebb since records have begun. 23 journalists were killed on the job in Somalia.

We who write in the warmth must support those who write in fear and honesty. I encourage you therefore to attend the Winternacht festival and meet them, connect with them and bring their words into the world.

www.writersunlimited. Nl

January 20 – 22^nd at The Theatre Aan Het Spui The Hague, The Netherlands.

Kathy Voyles

“Foodie, Activist, Gardener, Speaker, Connector – A legend in her own lunch box”

See our brand new, bright, shiny blog http://schoollunchbox.wordpress.com

I am really pleased to welcome an old friend of mine, Rose Aghdami, to guestpost for me today. I have long been aware that writing is a therapy and am a staunch advocate of journalling to solve all manner of problems. Here, Rose, explains how it could help you to lose weight too!

Are you trying to stop comfort eating?  Here’s how… by reaching for your pen instead of reaching for chocolate!

Comfort eating, stress eating, boredom eating…whatever we term it, emotional eating is bad news.  Bad for our health, bad for our waistlines and bad for our self-esteem.  Do you find yourself prowling the kitchen looking for salty, sweet or stodgy food when you’re not even hungry?  If so, you may not be feeling physical hunger but you may be experiencing emotional hunger.

Emotional eating is triggered by unwelcome feelings like rejection, loneliness, or depression and feeling stressed, rushed or bored.  We eat to distract from these feelings and – guess what – it works!  It gives us a quick fix.  When we eat we no longer focus on our difficult feelings, instead our thoughts and senses are occupied with the food we are using to provide this quick hit.  But…soon afterwards the benefit is gone. We feel bloated, guilty, ashamed and regretful.  All too familiar?  Next time you experience the urge to eat when you aren’t physically hungry, try reaching for your pen instead – or the technological equivalent.  To overcome emotional eating, the first step is to identify the emotions that trigger it, so give yourself a few moments with a cup of tea or a drink of water, sit quietly with your laptop, or pen and paper, and write.

Try this writing exercise….

Tune in to the feeling or feelings you were experiencing just before you felt the urge to eat.  Try and identify it, or them, using one word for each feeling, such as bored, lonely, sad, depressed and so on.  Avoid a whole sentence such as ‘I was feeling that I’d never cope with all there is to do’.  Just focus on the single words to name the feelings.

Then write about what you experience when you feel the emotion you have identified.  Where do you feel it in your body?  What do you feel physically?  What thoughts are feeding this feeling?  What do you typically do when you feel like this?

Next, write about a time when you have dealt well with this feeling and what you thought about, and what you did, to manage it well and reach a good outcome.  Perhaps in the past you called a friend and met up when you felt lonely, or you decided to go for a brisk walk when you felt bored, or you decided to clear just one shelf of clutter when you felt overwhelmed by housework.  We usually feel better when we get active and do something to counteract the difficult feeling.

Finally, finish by writing down how you will reach a good outcome this time.  What do you need to do to address this feeling in a positive way? What actions do you need to take?  End with a positive, determined coping statement and take action.

Writing a regular journal can also help to overcome emotional eating by acknowledging and then writing about your emotions instead of suppressing them and distracting from them by emotional eating.  Whether you write for three minutes or thirty, regular journalling can be helpful. A journal can be a reliable, confidential, readily available, almost free, form of writing therapy and offers a great way of expressing what is going on in your mind.  Best of all, you can then read it back to yourself – in effect, reading your own mind!

Rose Aghdami, Chartered Psychologist, specialises in helping people develop a long term healthy relationship with food and end emotional eating for good. Focusing on using a psychological approach to curb bad eating habits and encourage a positive attitude to food, her patients continuously see remarkably effective and long lasting results.

The recent launch of Rose’s website, www.mindexpert.com, allows a wider audience to benefit from the skills and expertise she offers on this specialist subject that affects so many people on a daily basis.

For more information on overcoming emotional eating, please visit the website or email rose@mindexpert.com.

When not working, Rose enjoys the great outdoors with her family, whether skiing in Switzerland or walking by the Thames with their Husky.

Douglas John McLean Cairns used to hide behind the persona of Sid Ozalid, the one-legged tap dancing poet. It was as Sid that he became well known on radio and TV in the late 70s and early 80s and became part of the live comedy circuit. Today, he has come out as himself, admitting to his battles with dyslexia and depression and using his determination to be authentic in all areas of his life. As Douglas John McLean Cairns, he is an expat living the Hague and working on diversity and inclusiveness for an international oil company. As DJMC he is a role model for all those corporate beings who dare not admit they are musicians, sportsmen, writers, artists, ADD, or somehow not simply men or women in suits. Always and everywhere, he is now himself, still a poet, still a very funny man but now an inspiration to us all. In this incredible, heartwarming and inspiring interview the man who allows me to call him Douglie Wooglie Agogo, shares how the profits for his memoir-cum-poetry anthology go to charity, shares what matters to him and how he dared to be himself. At the very end of the interview he shares a poem, one that just won him an award from the dyslexia society. Be inspired. Be very inspired.

You can listen to the interview here

As a new year begins and many of us plan of our new year’s resolutions, most of us will focus on dreams or goals and how we may achieve them. This year, however, I have a strong feeling that this is not right for me this time.

There is a pleasure in the pathless woods;

Right away, I knew that message was meant just for me and that it had to be the focus of my New Year Inspirer.

Sometimes we need to press our own pause button and stop and look more closely at what is in front of our eyes.  We need to take a minute or two to look at what is was behind us before we move forward. And so I ask you… did you take a few moments to consider all you achieved during 2011? Did you pause to give yourself a pat on the back? Did you achieve or even exceed the goals you set yourself last year?

If you remember, this time last year I decided to pick a word that would set the scene for me. I chose BRAVERY. My new year’s resolution was to be braver and for me that meant that I wanted to publish one book a month and to take more risks with the authors I commission. I wanted to be braver about the promotion I did for the books I published and to dare to delegate more to freelance editors and assistants.

When I pause and look back I can see that I did far more than this. Only it was only a few minutes ago that I bothered to collect together the books I published this year, lay them on the carpet and take a photo. It was only now that I even got round to counting how many there were! I didn’t publish 12 books this year – I published 15 and current have another 10 or so in production. I surprised myself. I even achieved a lifetime ambition and completed and published my own novel. I hired several freelancers to help me with editing, production, accounts and promotion and started Expatbookshop.com. I even started a radio show and made 30 shows! Just reading the list makes me exhausted.

I reckon I had a pretty good year but I also recognise that I worked like an express train, even at the weekend, and rarely found time to ‘smell the flowers’ or take a walk alone on the wide beach that is a stone’s throw from my home. When I look back, the temptation of putting a ‘pathless wood’ into my future is stronger than ever. And so, I am not going to set any goals for 2012. Instead I plan to do something braver still and attempt not to try so hard. Now wouldn’t that be wild?

Today, I am happy to welcome Matt Krause here to share his insights on getting inspiration. Matt is the author of a Tight Wide Open Space, inspired by his life as an expat in Turkey.

No matter where you go, there are usually plenty of other people around.  If you learn how to draw inspiration from them, you’ll never run out of ideas.

Listen carefully to the details people mention in passing in conversation, little incidentals they blow past as they talk about something else.  These details can be opened up and explored and turned into full-blown stories.

For example, in Perking the Pansies Jack mentions there is a picture of a former lover displayed in his home.  Jack only mentions this picture once, giving it a sentence or two in an entire book.  But the presence of this picture suggests there’s a fascinating story to tell about Jack’s husband Liam, and about Jack and Liam’s relationship.  I think back on my ex-wife and previous girlfriends, and not one of them would have stood for me displaying a picture of a former lover in our home.  So when I hear about this picture, I start wondering what unique abilities to tolerate and understand Liam has that few of us others do.

Another way to find inspiration is to toss out an idea and see how people respond to it.  In a conversation people will grab an idea and take it in directions you didn’t know existed.  If you throw one idea out to 10 people, you’ll get 6 or 7 different kinds of responses, and a couple of those responses will surprise you.

For example, when I first mentioned my upcoming project (a 1500-mile walk across Turkey and the Middle East, see heathenpilgrim.com for more info) to my grandparents, they were puzzled.  They couldn’t figure out why their grandson would want to do something like that.  But then they saw a connection between my project and a Bible story they already knew, Paul’s journey in Acts, and my project began to resonate with them.  Within an hour they were telling their friends their grandson was following in the footsteps of Paul, and their friends, also familiar with the Paul story, began buzzing with excitement and couldn’t wait to hear me talk about the project.

After my journey, when it comes time to tell my story, I doubt I’ll tell it from that Biblical angle, since I don’t see it that way and so coming from me it would sound hollow.  But in seeing how others interpreted my idea, how they grabbed hold of it and quickly reframed it in a way that exploded with life in their minds, I learned another way to look at my project.

A third way to find inspiration is to give your work away.  I don’t mean sell your books for free, I mean recognize that your work does not belong to you, it belongs to the people who inspire you.  Acknowledge those people by name, and when someone praises you, deflect the praise onto the people who inspired you.  You are simply a scribe who puts a finishing touch on stories other people start.  Remembering this helps you step outside of your own head, which is the worst place to look for inspiration.

We writers don’t have to look far for inspiration, because the people around us are already providing it.  We are just polishing the mirror so when they look into it, they will see something about themselves they didn’t see before.

In October, as you know, I went to the WIN conference in Rome. I love this event so much that I have attended nine times in the fourteen years it has been going. I wrote about this year’s experience for Andrea over at ExpatWomen, and it was published yesterday. To find out what WIN meant to us all this year, please take a look at my article. And if you want to see more evidence of what goes on then you need to see my posts about Where Words Meet Art and The Importance of Art too.

Every year that I attend WIN, it’s as if there is always a message lying there, just for me.

This year, that message was about the importance of art and beauty and about daring to be totally authentic, or, as Nancy J Adler, would say ‘to out my humanity’.

On the very first day, profoundly moved by the words heard on the keynote stage, I found I had written the following words on my notepad:

“Could I be the conference poet?”

My skin went cold as I typed those words for you just then. Expressing them fills me with fear. To share how much I love poetry is a difficult thing to do. As my vegetarian friend Kathy said to me the other day:

“Poetry is to some, what veganism is to others. Some people just do not get it.”

And that, I think is the reason why ‘outing’ myself as a poet is so very hard. I think that some of you will not like me any more if I confess to loving it.

At the conference, I realised that, to me, at least, writing poetry, is my meditation. It takes me away from everything and provides a sacred space.

On the last day of WIN, I heard Nancy J Adler speak about the importance of beauty and art to leadership. Nancy has produced a beautiful Leadership Insights journal, that I now own, crammed with insights and quotes as well as her own glorious watercolours. In these pages, she reminds us that, in the words of Rumi:

“Let the beauty you love be what you do.”

And so, here, for the first time, I will share with you the poem I wrote, inspired by Nancy and by WIN.

I hope you like it and that you still like me now that I am ‘out’.

What Matters

(for Nancy J Adler, after her closing keynote at WIN 2011)

Do you dare

to define your global legacy?

Do you have the courage

to ‘out’ your own humanity?

Do you dare

to be a mirror

to your soul and not

dazzled by the rampant myths

of individualism?

Do you believe

in MFA not MBA?

Do you have humility

not ego

and accept that it is up to you

to save our planet?

Come…

Step up to the plate,

past denial, anger, bargaining.

Depression never got things done.

Accept it.

We have run out of time.

All that’s left,

all that matters now –

is beauty.

It’s time to see the details

and the patterns in the details,

the details in the patterns.

To see truth

with your own eyes.

Only art has the power

to teach you how to see.

Again.

And when you can see again,

stop again.

And listen.

Listen to the stories making men;

old men, ill men, real men.

Our stories are the constellations

that turn us into stars.

Money does not motivate.

What matters motivates.

Sorry. Did you not hear that?

Did your eyes not see these words?

Nor the pain your people

inflict and inflicted

day after day?

An Inconvenient Truth

that you failed to notice

amongst many other little things.

Look out of your window.

Children laugh and play:

black, white, yellow, red –

language is no barrier.

Cash for grades, you said?

Pah! Switch off your TV

and start to see

reality.

It’s beautiful out there.

See it, hear it, touch it, taste.

Feel the truths you know inside.

Pick up a pen and

start to sketch your heart’s desire.

Everyone can draw, you know.

You are all artists and

you all have the power

to let the beauty you love

be what you do.

Jo Parfitt

November 24^th 2011

Details of painting by Nancy J. Adler as appearing in her Leadership Insight journal (Routledge, 2010). Text inspired by Adler’s article: “Leading Beautifully: The Creative Economy and Beyond”, Journal of Management Inquiry, 20(3) September 2010: pp. 208-221.

Today, I am delighted to welcome Sarah Koblow to guestpost here about her writing journey. A journey that began in my own home, at my workshop less than a year ago. Sarah has gone far and written so much, been published too, in such a short time despite several crises and a move half way round the world. If Sarah can do it, so can you.

You see …

Any crisis can truly prove to be a blessing in disguise.

I have had many dramatic turning points in my rollercoaster life but few as satisfying as my involvement in producing the book Turning Points. At the beginning of this year, I was going through a mid-life crisis. I had just about survived yet another ‘annus horribilis’.

To cut a long story short, the previous year had included an appallingly handled bullying situation for my children at school. Our beloved Labrador dog died suddenly and inconveniently in the kitchen, just as my girls were setting off to start their end of year exams. My husband was threatened with redundancy several times – therefore so was our rental home and life in Holland as well as the children’s schooling. The good news was that he had secured a new position in Doha, Qatar, setting in motion our fifth international move. He was to go ahead of us to enable our eldest daughter to complete her important GCSE exams, which meant I was to be a single parent for six months.

I did not want to leave Holland and neither did my children. Grandma (in her late eighties) came to stay for Christmas and was rendered homeless when her pipes burst and water completely wrecked her home in Middlesbrough. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back as her visit stretched into months and ended badly with a falling out.

In all this, I had taken a big step towards a dream I had been pregnant with for years. I had started a creative writing course and absolutely terrified, shared my dream of writing my memoir ”Count Only Sunny Hours.” It was painful facing up to how behind I was in my IT skills, how lost I had become in all my moves and how much accumulated grief I was carrying around in my emotional backpack as I began to share my writing for the first time. I started writing, sure, but I so wanted to quit with the excuse that I was too busy with the move. Thankfully God had placed just the right combination of amazing women in my life, just at the right time. With their support, encouragement and motivating kicks up the backside. I not only started but went on to win the race.

When Jo mentioned the book idea, I did initially hesitate. Her brief mentioned women entrepreneurs so I discounted myself:

“But I’ve just been a trailing spouse for years so what can I contribute.”

When I told Jo I did not qualify, she pointed out:

“Hang on Sarah, didn’t you say you used to be a counsellor.”

She was right, I had previously developed a successful counselling business and am passionate about helping others. It was bad enough that coping with cancer and our global nomad life had stalled my career. What was worse was how easily I was wiping out such important parts of myself.

It was like I had been blind and could suddenly see. I looked into the mirror and discovered I liked what I saw. The acceptance, appreciation and affection mirrored in the eyes and words of my new writing support group confirmed that I was on the right path. I jumped at the opportunity to write for Turning Points as the perfect combination of my old and new passions.

Writing for Turning Points was an important personal Turning Point for me and I am  pleased to report has a very happy ending. This has been the easiest transition for me as I have transformed  into the STAR I am (spouse travelling and relocating successfully). I no longer dread questions like: “So what do you do?”

Instead, I look for opportunities to tell people: “I am a writer.”

Then proudly whip out our best-selling book. I have also written the  shitty first draft of the first three chapters of my memoir and I am loving the latest chapter of my fascinating international life.

If you are reading this and you too are struggling with your life and relationships please be encouraged, keep going, take a step forward, Turning Points will show you how. You never know what treasure may be waiting for you just around the next corner.

Sarah Koblow

Count Only Sunny Hours

http://www.countonlysunnyhours.com

Here is something a little different for you. I read Chapter One of my new novel, Sunshine Soup. Meet Maya and Rich Winter on their last day in Stamford, England before they head off for a new life in Dubai with their family. It seems that Maya is going to really miss her job in a delicatessen.

Listen to the recording here